This entire week I’ve been feeling like a fish out of water in all aspects of my life. I’ve pretty much felt completely out-of-place doing everything that’s part of my normal routine.
In the lab, I couldn’t get my flies to oviposit despite my best efforts, I felt out-of-place in my classes more than normal and I felt more pulled back and withdrawn from my friends than I usually am. I actually cleaned stuff this week. I went out of my way to clean things. There was clearly something truly bothering me. I couldn’t even find the words I needed to articulate how I felt hence why this post is so late. I feel pretty bad for the people who have had to put up with me, especially earlier in the week because when I can’t write, I tend to be in a pretty foul mood.
I was really lucky though this week. I went to my year-end formal Friday night and got to spend time with a lot of people who I don’t normally see. I wasn’t expecting it but the event actually helped me relax and I surprised myself by having fun and actually enjoying the event instead if being a workaholic like always. I realized that I’ve been stressing and worrying too much for the past week. Wondering what I’m doing, what needs to be done, how can I fix the things that aren’t working properly and trying to figure out the next steps I need to take to get me ready for my trip to Nevada. Suddenly, in the midst if all that wondering, Vancouver started to feel like home again.
I realized that all week-long I had been worried about the small stuff, worrying about the future instead of enjoying the present. A lot of people think that I’m one of those people who can’t sit still, I need to always be doing something when in reality, I can only sit still when I’m comfortable in my environment. I’m generally comfortable in my own skin but being myself in certain environments is something that I haven’t figured out how to do yet. As a result, I keep doing things to distract myself and give myself a reason to be there. In those environments, there are very few people who can actually get me to sit still and put me at ease. Lucky for me, one of them was around Friday night and I actually just wanted to sit, talk and have fun which was a great feeling.
It’s helped me see the little bits of awesomeness in my life that makes it that much more awesome. Driving from home to quidditch practice in less than 10 minutes while never having to stop at a traffic light (even the ones that are always red for me were green!), acting silly and childish personifying hoops and getting hoop hugs, eating ice cream sundaes late at night while playing cards with the family late into the night. These are the little moments in life that’ll be the memories I carry with me. The future will come, that’s inevitable but I’m going to try harder to focus on the moments that make up the present.
Until next time,